Thursday, March 10, 2011
Broken Dreams
Like the old folks back home used to say, "Salee ke nekoost az baharash paydast" One always wonders, if she could look back and do it again, would she do the same. She married with great excitement, like every young girl with hopes and dreams. But she knew deep down that nothing seemed right, from the very moment she met him. little quarels, little annoying habits that her young heart refused to see and aknowledge, eventually became major problems, and as time went by the quarels and fights became bigger and more bitter, they eventually stopped and silence becomes her best friend. An increadible Silence, as heavy as the biggest mountain, sat in her living room and at the dinner table.. The only conversation going back and forth became the one that included tournmenting one another. Her only hope to make sure her children didn't see or hear those ever so misreable quarrels. Years went by and silence was replaced by exhaustion. Yet no one could see or would hear of it, because she seemed so content and was given such pampered life, every woman dreamt of. Folks, chattered, "Why does she complain so much, she has everything". Does one measure happiness with possessing things, or was she so blind she couldn't see how Good she had it. Yet day after day, only one thing stayed in her mind, "Broken Dreams", and How to end "Broken Dreams".
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My journey of self discovery began with my father’s death; and it has taken many years for me to reach the point I am at today… And the journey is by far, not yet over… Perhaps, it will never be…
ReplyDeleteBut, in my Father’s death I saw a simple truth: A man can die while he is still ALIVE!!!
And I, was such a man…
Are you happy? I asked myself over and over…
The answer…
NO!
I had everything anyone could ask for…
Why was it then that I was not HAPPY?
Was my desire too insatiable?
Was I greedily ravenous?
Or, was I awakening to a secret truth about life and happiness?
I still cannot answer these questions fully and with complete and absolute conclusively… As the storm within is still brewing… But what I have found out about myself and my life so far is that I was indeed unhappy!
I was unhappy because my heart was empty…
I was unhappy because in the pursuit of happiness I had created a "prison" for myself!!!…
I wanted to see the world as it really is, and not as we have been told it should be!!!…
I needed to allow myself the freedom to experience everything in life in its pure form and with high intensity...
The answers, I suppose, depend entirely on the view and the perspective of the observer… Recently, a person whom I hold very dear in my heart criticized me rather harshly; and among all the criticisms, the following stood out the most:
“….You see, you don't really appreciate the ones who love u dearly for who you really are.... you take advantage of their love and affection for you by thinking that they are always there no matter what... and in the process of doing that, hurting the ones who are close to you and love you unconditionally!... … YOU should find out what you really want…!!!”
Although I do not necessarily hold the entire criticism to be true, I do regretfully agree that in order for me to allow myself the freedom to step out of the conventional "templates", I do have to pay a rather sumptuous price!
What is it that we ALL really need and want?
Ultimately, we all want our hearts to be filled with love…
We want to love and we want to be loved…
As I read this, could not stop the tears that were pouring down!
ReplyDeleteI felt every word and it touched me...
از عشق بالاتر، دوستي است.
و از دوستي بالاتر ، فهميدن است , به عشق کسي نياز ندارم , به دوستي کسي نياز ندارم , نيازمند کسي هستم که مرا بفهمد.,,
مرا با همه بدي هايم مرا با همه دارم ها و ندارم هايم مرا آنگونه که هستم بفهمد.....!!
I always say I dont need you to fix anything for me just get me (darkam kon) ehsase hamdardi az har chizi mitooneh ziba tar bashe!!
man "broken Dream" va eshsasetoono dark kardam!
thank you for sharing a part of your soul I appreciate the purity.